2016: Nevada Episode IV: A New Hope (内华达:新的希望)

Close one, guys. Real close on the left side. Bernie was losing by twenty points the week before and I think he did good. 47.3% to 52.6%.

Now, the right side?


“What happened, —–? You were supposed to be the chosen one! You were to unite the base, not fracture it even further! Half of them are going for —- or —– now!”
“怎么会这样,- – -? 你本来应当是被拣选者,是救世主!你本当统一我们的选民,而不是让他们四分五裂!现在他们一半都去投 – – – 或者 – – 啦!”

“你-太-低-能-量-了,- – 大-师!给-我-让-开。我-会-打-败-民-主-党,因-为-我-在-普-选-中-的-机-率-是-最-大-的。这-场-初-选-结-束-后,我-会-给-所-有-共-和-党-人-民-带-来-和-平,正-义,自-由,以-及-安-全。

“The GOP? —–, our allegiance is to America, to the people, to democracy!”
“共和党?- – -,我们的任务以及忠诚是对美国,对美国人民,以及民主啊!”


Lemme tell ya I’d never vote for either of ’em. But the bit that Jeb said as Jeb left? I can see why people liked the guy.




*Vvvvvvv -*

“This isn’t winning, —–. If you strike me down and remove me from this race I shall become more powerful than you could ever imagine!”
“这不是胜利,- – -。如果你将我击倒,让我退出这场选举,我将变的比你想象的还要强大!”

Okay, breaking the fourth wall for a second. I shouldn’t hafta say this, but it’s PARODY. Like Iowa said, vote who you like. We ain’t endorsing anyone or telling you who you should be voting for.

Got that? Good. Hey! Tennsy! Okie! You two are up!

Hey guys. A not-so-quick note here from Morgane.

I’ve received a lot of positive feedback – far more so than I was expecting, and I really want to say thank you. The folks that are offended by how we’re choosing to depict your candidates, we’re sorry, but that’s how we (Sima and I) decided to depict them. I’m sure that “we mean no offense” won’t make you less offended, but I really do mean that. We mean no offense.

Now, this update’s commentary.

You guys may have noticed that the focus here was really on Rubio and Bush. That’s because I was seriously afraid that one of them would drop – and they did. Personally, I’m extremely upset at Bush’s departure. Not because I supported any of his policies (when NJ rolls around I’m definitely NOT going to write him in xD), but because he has so many funny quirks that makes him a fun, fun fairy to draw.

Given that this’ll be the last time you see of Fairy!Jeb for a while, we thought to give him a sending-off that would be appropriate. Hence the focus here, and the conclusion we now see.

See, the NH primary gave me some downtime to seriously research the candidates, but I’ve always had an idea about how Bush vs Rubio might have turned out. They’ve been attacking each other in the media a whole lot, but it hadn’t always been that way.


No, in fact? Bush handed Rubio the Sword of Chang, a legendary artifact that’s basically the Republican Caliburn/Excalibur. Yes, it’s the sword of conservatism, meant to represent the enduring light of republicanism (whatever that actually means). Here’s a story explaining it (from the HuffPo.) Here’s the interview where Rubio talks about it. Yes. It’s also what lies broken at the feet of the two Floridans. I’ll leave it to you to interpret the symbolism.




I know that this is real life, and obviously Bush and Rubio weren’t exactly straight-up mentor-mentee like Obi-Wan and Anakin. There are plenty of articles commenting on the nuances and the subtleties, plenty of opinions writing about ambitions, old blood, and politics.

But isn’t it just deliciously ironic that the GOP favorite was undone by the upstart freshman senator that they’ve carefully groomed, trained, and cultivated? Am I the only one that sees similarities in Anakin’s actions during the prequels and Rubio’s circumvention of GOP norms and “rules” and choosing to run for president? Could Bush plausibly feel a hint of the same kind of mixture of emotions as Obi-wan return in Episode IV to fight Darth Vader?

We had to do it. It was far too good to pass up. And you know what? I honestly think Fairy!Jeb is partly right. Yes, Rubio took him down. It’s everything the GOP strategists are supposed to do. Winnow the field. Bring the crown home. Win.

It’s what he should do. All the pundits say it. All the strategists say it. Ted Cruz and Ben Carson and John Kasich knows it.

But you know what? When Fairy!Jeb went out I don’t think it made him stronger. At least, not directly. He certainly left a good impression on the media, but … not analogous to Obi-Wan.


In theory, the idea of the winnowing is basically this. For every candidate that leaves, their voters will go vote for someone – the “savior” or “chosen one” selected by the party elites. Looks like at the moment that chosen one is Marco Rubio, so the goal is to simply get all these unwashed masses to vote for him.

What makes you think Jeb’s voters are just going to fall into line and vote Rubio?

I mean, let’s be honest here, who the hell do you think Cruz is jetpacking towards, anyways?

That’s right.

That’s right. Him.

The Nevada Primary with Nevada ◇ TIME LINESuper Tuesday! >