(No Title) [[Because Phoenix can’t into computers]]

Hmph. Tautog gets her Sub corners… Prisse snuck in her SBD carrier corner… Marby’s right. We should get some more love for cruisers.

Oh, heeeeeeey. Tautog forgot to log off of the main computer terminal. >:3

*Click Clack of computer keys*

Now… how do I post this thing? Why is this website all in Chinese?

*Mouse clicking*

No… that’s an image upload –

Do they not have a non-cutesy image of me? Hmph. I should get more art. I do look cute though…

*Mouse clicking*

Huh. The page isn’t working. I wonder what’s going on.

*Mouse clicking*

Uh oh.

*More frantic mouse clicking*

I-is this supposed to happen?! Halp! I think I broke the site!

Ya see? This is exactly why people who don’t get technology shouldn’t be touching technology! And Phoenix’s got the gall to complain. She’s actually showed up in updates before.

Well, what about Lulu, huh? None of you remember Lulu is still around! The cruiser girls get like, next to no love as it is. But let’s count down the list. Ms. Goody-too-shoes is often used to illustrate Christian ethics and values. She shows up fairly regularly behind the scenes. Chester is resident screwball and everyone likes her because she’s fun. Houston’s got a Chinese following because Chinese food, and also, there’s an entire book on her by a great historian. She’s even showed up in the navy foods book because Texas BBQ. Even Chicago’s gotten more attention than me!

I don’t wanna be too negative or anything. I get it. The girls are all different. Different people like different people … types… like people. Something! We can’t get the spotlight all the time! But it’d be sure nice if one of you can remember that I still exist!

But can I be cute for once? I wanna show up in a side book too! I can be cute! I’m smart! I know plenty about American history and politics! I can even be sexy if that’s what it takes. Is that how we do things now? Bikinis? I’ll have you know that one of mine got banned in three states because –


Tog, come on. I’m working on it! You’re asking me to squish in twenty years of heavy cruiser development UNDER five hundred words! I can LIST all the cruiser classes and you’d get close to that!

This is to say nothing of the accuracy! Tarnation, ya ever think that primary documents aren’t the best of ideas? I mean look at this. I’ve been neck-deep in papers and stuff coming from the 20s and 30s. Then we get to the actual wartime reports and things get downright hilarious.

Pretty sure we sank this one. Up to 6 hits from the Midway strike group’s dive bombers. Wasn’t listed as a combat loss. Nagumo didn’t even report it in his writing, preferring to “omit” surface losses. How am I supposed to talk about cruiser doctrine when some countries literally pretend ships that sank aren’t?

I thought I outsourced Japanese cruiser doctrine to Zao… Also, who told you 500? I said 50,000! Under 50,000! We’ll cut it after!

Your note said 500!

Waitaminute. Ew. Someone bit off the end of my note. Who the hell would do that?

Also, Zao writes in LITERAL haikus. Like, look at this. I asked her to provide some comments about the design of the Mogami class, for instance. This is what she wrote back.

electric welding
result in many leakages
water make boat sink

T-that’s … well. That’s true. But isn’t that more of a case-by-case thing, oftentimes involving Japanese politics? The Kumano and Suzuya had a lot less problems comparatively, right?

is fault of army
bad design on occasion
navy can do no wrong


torpedoes explode when shot at

Note from Sune:

Zao has an antiquated mode of speech when trolling. It’s like YE OLDE SHAKESPEARE but after consulting with the rest of the team we decided haiku is more fun.