Chester’s Guide to Abyssal Survival

It’s bed time! No, wait, no it isn’t…

Guhhh what time is it…

Uuuuuuh I overslept again…


Ara, what update.

… Oh. Right! Tautog’s assignment. “Draft some simple guidelines for Abyssal operations in case of attack. Draft is to be distributed to relevant committees for further markup & eventual dissemination.”

Well, shucks. She’s a worse boss than Jer is. At least Jer doesn’t send daily reminders to get work done… *yawn* When’s Mike gonna come back…

Okay I’m awake now. Wuh. Dizzy. This is what I get for sleeping in all that time –

Five more minutes… ZzZzZzZ

Hi there! Chester here. As a three-thousand year old veteran of countless Abyssal Wars, Imma gonna tell you how to stay alive.

Are you a shipgirl? If so, you can throw this in the trash! You don’t need this at all! You are blessed by God almighty and given the perfect set of skills to fight these things. For the rest of you, read on.

First question. Can you see little glowing thingies near its “skin?” Do they look like a thin layer of film, or some kinda energy shield thingie?

If so, stop reading. You’re gonna die. You are too close! Don’t even bother running away. Just make yourself comfortable and enjoy your final moments! Most of the time it’s painless and fairly quick. Other times (if you aren’t so lucky) it will be a very slow and very painful death.

So I’m going to assume that you’ve stayed far enough away. How far is far away you ask? The Abyssal should be nothing more than a tiny dot from your point of view.

That being said, you’re an idiot for watching an Abyssal in visual range and you deserve to be eaten! So yeah, you’re gonna die. Better hope there are other humans for it to nom on first! You’re screwed either way.

Okay, so, let’s assume that you’re not only smart enough to stay far away, but you’re also watching it from some kinda distance away. Well, here are my tips for you. You’re still probably going to die, BUT! These are the things you should do.

Rule 0. Run away. What are you, stupid? Just get as far away from it as possible!

Rule 1. If something’s glowing, run away immediately. Don’t try to take pictures. Whaddya think we keep all those fairies around for?

Rule 2. If something is growing out of the Abyssal, run away. If it’s changing form, that’s extra bad. Run away.

Rule 3. If something’s shooting at it, run away.

Rule 4. If it’s shooting at you, you should run away but you’re probably gonna die so don’t bother.

… I’m outta ideas.

Tautog this is a dumb assignment. Why don’t you give to someone creative like Cusk or Mahan or someone who ACTUALLY knows how to give advice….

We’re gonna have to do better than just “Run away.”